Just hear those bells tingilingling

First of all, congratulations to all fresh ex-recruits/privates who had bidded goodbye to holiday island pulau tekong. It has been a wild journey for us all, where we enter a realm we have never seen before, learn everything from scratch; just like a little toddler. Now that we've learned how to walk, its time for us to learn how to fly.

I'm glad that i didnt feel like dieing during the 24km route march, but rather i felt better compared to the earlier route marches; probably because of the cool weather. I was pretty sad that my parents couldnt make it to my passing out parade due to my mom's condition, but contradictingly, it was a good thing afterall because the parade aint a great deal anyway and the parents had to wait donkey years for just a simple parade.

I guess i'll miss some parts of my bmt, especially those times when we get to laugh, play, and joke around when the stiff military air lightens a little. You really get to see a wide range and variety of characters that exist among ourselves; from retards to chao keng people to clowns. Well without these characters especially the clowns, life would probably be even more stale and boring than it really is in army. But other than that, i just wished that i neednt go through field camps and route marches ever again because they are experiences that should be put right at the back of my head. Sighhh

Now that the year is drawing close, its all about christmas again; christmas carols, mistletoe, santa's sleigh and his reindeers come into place as we celebrate the gift of love and the love of giving. I just wanna thank God that my family is safe and sound, that my friends are doing good, and that im back in 1 piece. Nothing is as good as seeing your loved ones when you return. And its quite nice to just stare at civilianhood; the traffic, people, the parks and shopping malls. Its good to appreciate the simple things in life once in a while. There are so many things that leave my heart empty, but im trying to count my blessings as the days go by.

Last but not least, im pleading santa to slow down the time of my block leave and allow me to busk in the comfort of civilianhood for a little more time before the vicious cycle of booking in and out starts again. Arghh.

Broken Open

'Cause two is better than one

POPping my way to christmas.

Was feeling really homesick last week, because of the darn sit test during the weekends. And oh my bloody hell, thank the heavens that its over coz of the physical demolition of my body over the weekends out in the fields while the rest of the world take shelter within the comfort of their cribs and at the malls and clubs.

With so much that the hawk coy warriors have gone through, we are left with a month to go before graduation parade when we can shout with pride and joy to those new recruits "POP LOH" and throw our caps high in the air just like those arseholes when we just enlisted.

And as the year draws to a closure yet again, the jingle bells come tinggling and i just wonder how would christmas be like this year, especially since my life took a drastic change in the recent times and now that im in the army. I hope that it can a warm and happy one; not like the one during the previous year when i could remember myself stressing out to finish my spa management project on the budgeting list. Oh Gawd. On a random note, i feel like bringing in a christmas tree into my bunk to brighten the atmosphere and bring in the christmas mood. loll . . ..

Other than that, i suddenly realised that i havent seen my dog in ages after kai xin messaged me about him. And boy, i miss the kid so much, again.

Thats all from your dedicated soldier,

good bye~~~

life in mono

Out of a sudden, i just keep feeling this feeling of emptiness, meaninglessness and goalessness in my current predicament of my life. Its the same every week; with 85% of my week spent in camp and the other precious and short 15% spent resting and meeting up with friends.

Somehow the essence of meaning in my life has been dissipating slowly into thin air, when so many things that i loved and loved to do has been taken away, and all that i live for is to serve my term in the army.

I know, this thinking and attitude is not healthy for me to go through army. But this is just really how i feel deep inside. Thats all.

Smile, because its worth it.

the rustic journey

Fatigue;

Never has it been driven to such an extreme within this body of mine, until this past week.

Field camp, as feared by many, is indeed one of the worst things that you can ever go through bmt. I've never felt so weak before, when the realm of my physical being started to crumble, all thats left to push myself was the mental strength and determination to complete the camp in one good go. And now that field camp is history, i congratulate myself and the brothers of hawk company for crossing this hurdle together.

Naturally when one is fatigue, we indeed become self-centred beings. But in field camp, you really need to help one another in order to make things work, and only by getting fucked in the ass will u truly realise this fact. I wanna thank god that i have a dependable buddy especially during the period when i was dieing of heat exhaustion during the building of our basha tent. Its really important to be a dependable person yourself and have someone that you can depend on at the same time, because one can never go through field camp alone.

i shant go into the details, but now that camp is over, it feels like as if its like a dream, a good and a bad one, an experience that will be kept at the back of my head.

For those who are going through field camp in the near future, try not to think so much and just go through whatever they have "planned" for you. Just carry the spirit of perseverence with you all the time. The dirt,sweat, and uncomfortable environment should be the least of your concerns.

If not, good luck and all the best.

On a random note, i was made to sing in front of my platoon during a lunch break in field camp =.=

the chosen path

I've been thinking alot lately; as much as most of my fellow national servicemen about deciding to go for command school or not. And after much processing of the weight of the pros and cons, i know that OCS is definately not for me because

1. i know i wont be able to take all the mental and physical "torture", especially in the current state that i am in.

2. i dont really have any passion in any forms of warfare esp jungle wf. Its not as cool as it seems like in the movies and games.

3. i want to have more time to spend with my loved ones. Its my no.1 priority right now.

However, im leaving the SISPEC option open for now cos im still not sure about life in there, and being a sergeant in anywhere else except tekong might not be a good idea after all. So if i were to be a private, i pray that life would just go easier for me.

Well enough of the army talk; mom is finally back home in a better condition, though still bedridden and skinnier than ever before. At the very least, everything is in place for now. Thank you God.

I just realised that smiling has become something quite occasional for me for the past month. Sorry if i dampen the mood when you guys see me, especially once the clock strikes ten and i would go into a hiatus under the attack of the Z monster.

Right now, I just somehow wish that there's this special someone for me to confide in. Because it really has been ages since my last girl, and i guess i've already lost that special feeling of falling in love. Oh whatever. That sounded pathetic doesnt it? Well maybe the love game's not the main priority for me now.

Thats about it for me this week. Army's gonna get worse.

Byebye

through the fire.

2 never-seem-to-end weeks have passed, finally. Being confined within the same group of buildings for 2 weeks is just ughhhh.

There were some good times, when the timetable was much lighter over the weekend. But of course, good things never last and all hell broke loose when the platoon got fucked practically from morning till lights out. tsk.

My first 3km route march with FBO almost sapped the liviing outta me. I've never felt so weak before physically. But thankfully my body's been seasoned to the weight of the bloody field pack and the 4km march turned out to be a breeze.

But the most fcuked up of all, is worrying about mom every night, especially since the deadly call in the middle of the night when i was told that there was an emergency and i was to be sent off. Dont wanna go into the details, but it was really emotionally draining. I guess my life is meant to be fucked up.

Well, thankfully things are better now, and i just pray that it will continue to improve, because im really sick and tired. i really am.

Thats all, good bye.

when life is just too much to bear.

mom has been admitted to the hospital.



i came back, anticipating a warm welcome

but it turned out that she was in great agony and pain


sometimes i just feel like giving up

i've been tormented for way too long

for those who are better off than me

please appreciate your life and the ones around you

because life is fragile

thats all i can say

in this state of mine

pray for her.

This is It

Alright.

My mind right now, is in a state of mess; with everything just twirling round my brain. Its crazy. But still, i wanna blog some things down as a civilian before i enlist.

First of all, im really feeling all the tension and all, after hearing all sorts of stories, the new life that i'll be leading. I've never shaved my head, nor have i ever been in a uniform group. So this is really gonna be a whole new experience for me. I hope i really do change and mature, in terms of emotions, mental strength and physical fitness. Oh, and of course a new height TEEHEE :DDD cant wait to grow out of this old shell and rut that i've been stuck in for such a long time. Oh well. I hope i really do enjoy my army, to meet really cool people, friendship that will last and just have fun in the midst of all the punishments excluding all the pain and stuff. Really, so many friends are enlisting tmr, and i've got a feeling that definately one of them is gonna be my bunk mate. Its just which one o.o (kena desmond = dont need POP)

So secondly, you know, my birthday's pretty special, on the account that it falls on 090909, a date that couples wanna get married and people doing crazy stuff (i see manu got a tattoo eh haha). But well for me, i guess i just wanted to spend time with the people and animals (my dog la) that i really treasure, especially my mom. The past few weeks had really been tought, for me, my family and her. And i really mean it. Everyday i dread to wake up or come home to see my mom depressed, or in pain. Her treatment, called Gerson Therapy, requires her to drink about 8 glasses of juices consisting of vegetables and what nots. No salt and sugar intake, with a soup that contains blended potatoes + other stuff which is one of her main diet for nutrients. The only "tidbit" that she can have is slices of baked potatoes and organic fruits. She cant go out either. There's still so much that she has to endure, with pain at times, the mental, emotional and physical suffering. Words that i blog do not do any justice to what she's goign through. And as a son, it just pains me when i see her suffer or get depressed. It really does. No matter how i try to look at the brighter side, i just feel really fucked up at some points in my life. When can things really get better? Seriously when?

I just hope that everything will be alright at home. Its really unpredictable. Sigh.

Thats all i have to say, though there's more to it.

Sorry, abit emo but its been affecting me really badly.

So Adios guysss.

Here's a song from me to end off:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TivQcqB4h2Y

Green Day

Green is a colour of life, a sign of vitality, a signal of granted access
the scent of freshness amongst the air we breathe
the peace, calm and serenity it brings
so paint these dull walls of my life
with shades of bright colours
and green.

---

Good evening to all

The 4th of September had one of the most awesome evenings of all. It would be a night that i would treasure and seal within the walls of my memory. It was worth the hassle, the effort, and energy. (Remember those balloons? HAHA) I was really glad for those who took their time off their busy schedule just to make way for this humble celebration and party, and for this you guys deserve a toast and a good selection of food and booze! And for those who are unable to make it, there's always something else to hold a party for!

To be honest, i was afraid that the party might turn up to be pretty quiet, with tons of leftover food (i dont like food wastage) but anyways it all turned out well when the music starts pumping while the crowd comes thumping! Really glad that all of us got a chance to catch up with one another, and that we continue to keep in contact as we go through different walks of life.

So, i sincerely thank everyone who came, espcially qy and mok who are the only htm guests; they were very steady (y)!

Not to forget the lovely presents i got from grace and qingyun (now my fridge is friggin mango-fied) LOL and the tee shirt from mell. Sucks to be micro/little man huh! hahahaah.

Well of course, when there's alcohol, the atmosphere of the place will have extreme and different variations of moods of highs and lows. Its really funny to have 2 rooms of complete different atmospheres; one a mini club, one an emo corner. Its like, antartica and the sahari desert. hahaha. But to the emo ones, i hope you guys have moved on and have felt better after a night of thrashing out.

Last but not least, i really have to thank qing yun and kai xin for arranging one of the best surprises of my life. You know, cakes aint really much of a surprise i believe (but i still love cakes. mango cake ftw) and i was really jaw dropped at the sight of my dog when they entered the hall. There was the unimaginable joy that i have whenever i see him, i see myself being reunited. It was great to see the little fella running about, looking charming as always with those big round eyes.

Every second of those moments were very precious, because home is empty without his prescence. Uncontrollably, the tear ducts let loose as we bidded our goodbyes. Sorry i know i sound like a wuss.

For now, its time for a brand new hurdle and chapter of life. Wish me luck.

At times, animals are in fact more beautiful creatures than humans.